Dear 18-year old Maria Hazel,
You're on your second year college and everything is still on blur. Your head is still floating on bubble wraps and reveries like a girl on their early teenage years . You think no one would ever love you in a way you'll feel like - I don't know - love? beautiful? happy? You think of yourself as a simple girl that would stick to shirt and jeans. You lack confidence. You've been underestimated by everyone and you want to prove 'em wrong. Oh you little simple girl with budget-tight allowance, striving so hard to blend in, still wrapped with low self-esteem, and pitiful issues to your physical appearance. Negative baggage you kept on from your high school memories of childish bullying. You'll wonder why you became so shy when in fact you were jolly and competitive when you were carefree and young.
You will find friends. Best friends actually. You'll share the same room during your stay at the campus dormitory. You will be happy with their company. They're kind and influence you to do things. No, you won't do those sneak in drinking sessions like the cool kids. You won't do such things because you're too busy maintaining grades for your college scholarship. You want to finish your studies so bad to get rid of the low unhappy life. Thanks God you'll meet these true friends that will stick to you despite the tantrums and whirlwind of mood swings you have because you have this attitude and a complex personality due to bad childhood experiences. You will love them and you will realize that you can finally fill out the blank for the "Who's your bestfriend?" question on a slambook. Not just one but four patient, crazy, nice friends of yours. Phew, they're definitely "friends for keeps".
You will meet a boy. You will fall in love with him. Both of you are the total opposite. You thought you could try having a commitment for two months only. And when you're done, you planned to break up with him right away. But you didn't. You think he's the only boy who will love you. You'll get obsess with him. He is kind but doesn't know how to handle a girl. You will be happy with him but he will change you. A little bit maybe. The loud and crazy girl you used to be will be gone. You will become reserve. And after almost two years, he will ask for a cool off. You will get tired of waiting and finally realization will dawn on you.
Oh baby, you should go and love yourself. And you did. You will prioritize yourself. You'll get better. Darling, drastic changes will happen on your life for the better. You will finally love yourself and know how precious you are. That you are worth the time and love of someone. Yes! You are precious.
And you'll find this guy. Oh you will just love him in an instant like the way you will meet. He's caring, loving, sweet, shy, funny, not so romantic but damn girl, you will be crazily in love with this guy. His name is Jeff. You will go places together. You will take care of each other.
Problems will come in your way. It'll never be gone, I am telling you. You should be brave. But wait, you are brave already so I'm just telling you that you'll survive. You will graduate and get a job. You'll help your brother for his college education. Wow, you will be so proud of yourself. Importance of education and appreciation to your mother will fill your mind and heart. You'll provide your family. You'll be a bread winner. Sort of. You'll help your loving mother because she's the best.
A couple of years would passed and things are on high and low. One day, you will receive hurtful and harsh messages from your aunt who lives in the western part of the world. She's cruel. You'll cry. A lot. A lot of tears and sobs will happen.
But don't worry, your man got this. He will comfort you. He will never leave you. No matter how many fights you will have, he will never let a night pass to make up with you. He's the kind of guy that will go in front of you when you ride an escalator because he's kinda protective whether you're in jeans or skirt. He will not let you wear short shorts because your legs is for his eyes only. But duh, we're in the 20th century, so you'll get a fight with him about the clothes you wear. Sometimes you let him choose your outfit because duh, to avoid argument. But it's okay, you'll work it out. Things will always work out with you guys. It'll be a relationship full of laugh and love.
Do you want to talk more about him? Oh sure. I'll give you some happenings that you will never forget.
Once upon a time..
Sincerely yours,
Maria Hazel at 23
He deserves a separate story telling, so till my next personal post?
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